Haven't updated this in awhile. Not like anyone cares since I'm not famous on DA or anything. But hell, whatever.

Ah, another night-...or rather, early morning blog for me, hm? Damn. So many thoughts and emotions are going through my head. What the fuuuuuck, man? I can't even express them into words, so I'll just be rambling on. Hm, pitiful; I always have these deep thoughts at night, usually with music, and usually after I finished a pretty good anime or manga. Always comparing my life to them. Realizing that I'm bored of this world and wish and hope for something greater. When will I come to realize that reality is something that will usually always be boring? That is, until you find something that puts forth hope in your life. Something that puts forth reason to live. Until that, there's really nothing to live for, is there? Right...nothing. Hah.

Honestly though, what is it that makes humans...how do I say this. Why does music stimulate the mind? How does sound, like beating on some drums or strumming some strings, or blowing air through a stick with holes in it create this so called "music"? And why does it stimulate it so much that it makes you wish or remember some things. Why does it make you tear up? Why does it make you angry? Amazing, isn't it? How things just kinda...influence you, hm? Ah, hell. I rambled on again. The fuck does this have to do about music, anyway?

Man, whatever. I want to say more, but what more is there that I can say? I'm always being distracted. I suppose I'll continue typing up this post and writing down whatever comes to mind. Like...role models, for example.

Why do we look up to them? What is it that makes us want to be like them? Is it because they look cool? They're nice? They get whatever they want? Their personality is that of someone greater? Or maybe it's because you can't handle the fact of your own sorrowful self? Maybe it's the fact that you can't stand yourself so much that you want to be someone who's...more brilliant. Someone you can trust and someone you'd strive to be. Because they can do things that you can't. Is that the reason for a role model? Someone you look up to? Because they can accomplish things you can't...Maybe it's that...or maybe it's just because you can looks up to them. Because you want to and because it's your decision. That they inspire you. That's fine, then.

What about happiness? What stimulates the mind to create happiness? This...emotion? Why do people feel happiness? Why do people lack happiness? Why are people full of happiness? And, of course, the question that really made me think pretty hard, "If happiness had a form, what would it look like?" What about the "taste" of people's happiness? Why are people happy when they see others suffering or in pain? Is that because happiness and hatred are connected? Can you hate someone so much you become happy when you see them suffer? Then hatred, what stimulates the mind to create it? Why do people feel it? Why do people LONG to feel it? If it had a form, then what would it look like? Perhaps they are connected, the emotions of happiness and hatred. Or maybe they're two separate things. Ah, whatever.

Depression. The hell? Damn, that's always in my mind. Wtf. Let's skip this one. Now, what's next in this scrambled mess called a mind...?

Ahhh, I just had it. It was in my mind. And then I lost it.

I can't remember what I was going to say. Damn it. I want to write some more to keep me busy. I need to do something to keep time going. ...Time. Hm, that's a topic.

Time...time...time. It's a measurement, correct? Man-made. The past, filled with memories. The present, filled with...well...depending on the situation, filled with "happiness" or straight up hell. And the future...in which only God knows. Wouldn't it be nice to predict something like that? The future, hm. I've lost interest in this topic. What's next...?

Friends...family. Aren't relationships like that based off of "love"? If so...Hell, I don't want to talk about that then. Love and hate could go together hand in hand as well. Or maybe they don't. I have a few examples, though, I don't feel like explaining them. It's connected though, isn't it? Or maybe they're not. Bah! Who cares.

Next...
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Ahahahaha. I guess hunger and exhaustion are greater than all. These damn human limitations! -shakes fist- I've lost the will and interest to continue writing. Well, supposing you've read all of this. I've just wasted your time...sorry. Or maybe I haven't...maybe you've learned more about me. Well, whether you did want to or didn't want to; or even cared for that matter, then well...I don't know. No matter how you look at it, I did take a chunk of time out of your life. As well as mine since I wasted time writing this. Perish with me? Haha. I suppose I'll sleep for about an hour before I have to leave to again...go to school...and repeat this daily boring life of mine.